Grammar

I am beginning to believe my understanding of grammar is entirely wrong.

Not too long ago, an alien said, "You guys are too calculating."

Of course we are. We are repeatedly brainwashed by our risk management people and other extra-terrestrials that we should be meticulous with every minute detail and be clear and precise with all numbers.

But, understandably, we're not happy with the comment; we told him that much plainly, just like Drury Lane told inspector Thumm that there was an ugly red nose in the center of the Thumm's face.

In response, the self-confident secretary said, "If my comment somehow hurts your feeling, I an willing to apologize."

And then, you know what, everyone cheered. They all said, " The alien apologized! The alien apologized!"

I had a deja vu feeling that it was the same collection of voices that said the sky is falling.

Did our friend apologize? Alas, he only said he was willing to do so if his previous remark did hurt our feelings - it remains to be verified he agreed our feelings were hurted (knowing perfectly well that he did not agree with a whole lot of barn door facts), and, even if he does agree, he is willing to say sorry. The appearance of that five-letter word in his sentence does not mean that he has already apologized. I have a lot of four-letter words in my vocabulary and it does not mean that you are their target - unless you have an obsessive disorder of mental masturbation.

For that reason, if anyone ask me whether I accept the apology, I would say, "You'd better see a psychiatrist." - Although I know perfectly well the remedy.

Just soak your imaginative fingers with Tabasco.